| greybot |
Very much like "write our own book" but every poster writes a whole sentence instead of a word.
I'll start...
There was a knock at the door. |
|
|
| OldPeanutSeller |
| George opened the door and there was a snail on the doorstep. |
|
|
| charltonhater |
| So he ate the snail as he was French. |
|
|
| OldPeanutSeller |
| He kissed his wife, Margaret, who said "Have you been eating French snails again?" |
|
|
| Mat ov CPFC |
| But the Snail was poisoned and he died, after suffering great pain, two hours later. |
|
|
| Psychokiller |
| And shyed from deodorant. |
|
|
| OldPeanutSeller |
| Margaret immediately checked to see if the insurance was paid up to date. |
|
|
| wholethedougout |
| To her suprise it was and was worth £50 million, so she bought Crystal Palace Football Club off owner Simon Jordan for £35million. |
|
|
| greybot |
| There was another knock at the door. |
|
|
| Psychokiller |
| This enraged James Mitchell, who promptly phoned Ron Noades |
|
|
| E.X Moontoad |
| It was Ron Noades. |
|
|
| greybot |
| "I have come to buy Crystal Palace football club off you", he said with a twinkle in his eye. |
|
|
| OldPeanutSeller |
| Margaret led Ronnie into the lounge and en-route he cleverly slipped her antique grandfather clock into his sock for later re-sale at a Rolls Royce boot sale. |
|
|
| Wedgy |
| Ronnie then took his pipe in his hand, and started to tap it against the table. |
|
|
| Mini Cheddar |
| Margaret had been longing to get Ronnie alone for some time and was secretly delighted to be wearing a particularly revealing top that afternoon. |
|
|
|
| Ronnie however did not notice Margaret's top, infact he hardly looked at Maggie. Instead he noticed there was crayon on the walls. |
|
|
| MicksSis |
| The name of the person etched on the wall in crayon was the real owner of his beloved football club |
|
|
|
| As Ron read it he beame horrified. |
|
|
| greybot |
| "Alan Sugar" he cried. |
|
|
| Psychokiller |
| "One lump or two" asked Maggie as she fiddled with the pinny that barely covered her minge. |
|
|
| BaldEagle96 |
| "Just the one lump for me" replied Ronny. |
|
|
| OldPeanutSeller |
| So Margaret, being an ex woman's boxing champion, did everyone a favour and lumped him right on the chin. |
|
|
| SmithEagle |
| But Ronnie was only dazed for a few seconds, he looked up at Margaret, pointed at her and said, angrily |
|
|
| Psychokiller |
| "You've had a boob job without my permission, haven't you! Right! You must be punished! Bend over that tabletop where my set of Crystal Palace mugs are kept" |
|
|
| AddiscombeEagle |
| At which stage the Two Crystal Palace Mugs, Julian Gray and Tommy Black replied |
|
|
| OldPeanutSeller |
| "Meet the gang, the boys are here, the boys to entertain you". While Margaret and Ronnie were convulsed with laughter on the floor, Mssrs. Gray and Black escaped through the French windows. |
|
|
| Psychokiller |
| However, Gray lost interest and just sat there looking nonchalant as Ronnie's bodyguards hoisted him back into Ron Towers! |
|
|
| AddiscombeEagle |
| The fiendishly clever Ron had realised the money making potential of setting Gray up as Audley Harrison's next non-opponent. |
|
|
|
| After the laughter had died down, Ron asked Maggie a very important question, |
|
|
| Psychokiller |
| "Maggie" said Ron, his lips quivering in fear. A bead of sweat travelled down his forehead and came to rest at the side of his nose. |
|
|
| OldPeanutSeller |
| "Maggie", he said "do you mind if i buy your back garden for a nominal fee and lease it back to you?" |
|
|
| Psychokiller |
| At this point all hell broke loose. The iron lady flew into a sodden rage, a pair of machine gun barrells appeared in her bosom. |
|
|
|
| "Cripes" said Ron as he dashed for the door. |
|
|
|
| Simon Jordan who had been eves-dropping by the door. |
|
|
| wholethedougout |
| Noades stared for a minute and then said "why Jordan what big breasts you have!" |
|
|
| Latvian |
| Then Pete's mum fell through the roof from the upstairs flat... |
|
|
| Baloo |
| Where she had been banging Dominic Jordan. She was dressed in leather and was carrying a feather duster. |
|
|
| MicksSis |
| and on her feet she wore a pair of orange vapor boots |
|
|
| Ruskin Old Boy |
| Uncle Ron took out his mobile and texted his old mate James M "don't let this story get into BBS or you've had your last free lunch". |
|
|
| OldPeanutSeller |
| Meanwhile, a post-mortem was being conducted on George, who, for those of you with a short memory, had died of snail poisoning on post 5, page 1 of this thread. |
|
|
| greybot |
| The results showed that cyanide had been injected into the snail, and someone who knew that he ate snails, or someone who stereotyped all the french as snail munchers, had murdered him. |
|
|
| charltonhater |
| So George W Bush declared war on France, not liking the idea another George had been killed. |
|
|
| OldPeanutSeller |
| Jaques Chirac immediately surrendered, not liking the idea of war. |
|
|
| windy |
| The Italians liked the sound of that so they surrendered too, even though they had nothing to do with it, which gave Ron an idea..... |
|
|
| greybot |
| This is a bloody fantastic idea Ron thought to himself |
|
|
| Latvian |
| and then offered the UN some Nice Biscuits |
|
|
| Baloo |
| But the condition of Ron's offer was that they had to come to Selhurst to eat these Nice Biscuits, and for the period of their stay they would be subject to onerous covenants in a ten minute lease. |
|
|
| charltonhater |
| So they went to the cinema instead. |
|
|
| Psychokiller |
| Suddenly the fire exits in the cinema burst open. Armed Police took positions all around the audiotorium. The sound of bursting tear gass cannisters filled the air. |
|
|
| MicksSis |
| The Armed Police were there to make sure NO-ONE left the cinema before the S-Club film had finished. |
|
|
| greybot |
| "I wish we'd gone to Selhurst for biscuits now" Koffi Annan whispered. |
|
|
| Psychokiller |
| "Bollocks" replied David Murry(a) sheepishly |
|
|
| Latvian |
| "Im the scatman!" he then proclaimed |
|
|
| greybot |
| Ski bi di bi di do bap do bap Do ba do bap was the sound the AK47 made as it unloaded into David Murry(a)'s chest, for he had startled a nervous policeman. |
|
|
|
| Murry(a) then slumped onto John Prescott's lap. John, who had went along the UN party mainly for the biscuits, promply proclaimed "I'm gutted..... |
|
|
| Latvian |
| "I wish I used to be a sailor too" Before lamping a spectator who happened to be |
|
|
| Chris Leitch |
| showing him his rather runny eggs |
|
|
| greybot |
| WHACK! Prescott thumped him right in the face. Just then Murry(a) ... |
|
|
| Psychokiller |
| pulled out of Daisy the sheep and wiped himself clean. |
|
|
| greybot |
| "BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP", went Georges digital alarm. It had all been a sick and twisted dream and he turned over to find Murry(a) sleeping soundly next to him. There was a knock at the door ... |
|
|
| windy |
| It was the Italians waving white flags, we surrender they shouted...... |
|
|
|
| "oh crap." George said. " What's Maggie done now?". He turned to the Italians and told them to piss off 'cos it was only 10:30 and after past experiences he knew Murry(a) was not to be woken up until the ships came sailing in at luchtime. |
|
|
| charltonhater |
| But the Italians did not want to piss off. They wanted some entertainment from Murry(a) |
|
|
|
| George very reluctently went over to Murry(a) and prodded him with a stick. Murry(a) stirred slowly and opened his eyes v. slowly before screaming in a loud voice which could be heard for miles..... |
|
|
| Latvian |
| " I SAW PK SUCKING OFF A GOAT WHILST MAGGIE DILDO F**KED HIM AND JAFFA BUTTFLUSHED GREAT GONZO!" |
|
|
|
| The Italians so shocked at these revelations begged Murry(a) for more... |
|
|
| Latvian |
| pudding, but the crumble was in demand so |
|
|
| Mini Cheddar |
| reluctantly, Murry(a) gave in and ordered some more. The Italians were ecstatic and so grateful to Murry(a) that they .. |
|
|
| greybot |
| gave him a ferrari and then left him and George to catch up on some sleep. Meanwhile Margaret ... |
|
|
| windy |
| who was now late for her appointment at the Clinic for sexually transmitted diseases...... |
|
|
|
| phoned Ron Noades and invited him round for real. For Maggie had a plan.... |
|
|
| charltonhater |
| a plan even better than Mark Goldberg's 'Europe in five years plan' |
|
|
|
| This meant it was quite a sh!t plan really but that didn't stop Maggie. There was promply a knock at the door. |
|
|
| Mini Cheddar |
| In eager anticipation, maggie took a last look at herself in the mirror, fluffing up her hair, licking the lipstick off her teeth, and giving her ample bosom a shunt up a few inches. |
|
|
| charltonhater |
| Opening the door, Maggie shouted out in surprise, |
|
|
| Latvian |
| "its Mr Dance..." |
|
|
|
| Was expecting Big Ron but you can come in anyway. Take a seat." mrdance walked inside but was interested to see.... |
|
|
| Mini Cheddar |
| an exotic display of multi-colour dildos all laid out on the coffee table. |
|
|
|
| This made mrdance uncomfortable but he was really shocked to see through Maggie's slightly open bedroom door, a hoarding of Mini Cheddars' in many exotic and rare (probably illegal) flavours. |
|
|
| Latvian |
| Then Missy Eliot and Trilby asked them if they were up for a swingers picnic other guests included; |
|
|
| windy |
| and 5000 Italian pow's. |
|
|
| BaldEagle96 |
| Eventually mrdance decided that it was time for him to ..... |
|
|
|
| pick up a 14' sparkly blue dildo and beat Maggie over the head. This was brought on because Santa had just fell off the roof and fell past the window. For it was Christams Eve.... |
|
|
| BaldEagle96 |
| which to many was also known as the day before Christmas day! |
|
|
|
| Elsewhere many miles away, in Iraq to be exact, BE96 was fitting turbans in the local (turaban pub), |
|
|
| BaldEagle96 |
| but at the same time mrdance said that he had to have a half hour off as Eastenders was now on the telly! |
|
|
| Latvian |
| Then Julian Gray slide tackled someone |
|
|
|
| only to find out it was a video game. |
|
|
| greybot |
| "Julian Gray's left-wing Wobblies" to be precise. |
|
|
| Latvian |
| In horror he threw his Orange boots at a Stoke fan who then |
|
|
|
| went to bang Pulis in a car, in gratitude for staying up! The orange boots meanwhile fell onto the ground and turned into a very nice orange tree over time. |
|
|
| Latvian |
| But this tree was no ordinary tree because come spring it would blossom hundreds of |
|
|
| SKATE |
| pairs of orange football boots |
|
|
|
| this gave Julian a fortune as he sold them each for £300. So, as a millionare he decided to retire, until.... |
|
|
|