It has everything to make it a BBS classic in the making, arguments, conspiracy theories (the best bit as it was my creation), humour (A particular gem from Bert's head) financial facts and figures, sensible mod interventions, I think even Brexit gets a mention. Whats not to like (Apart from Royal babies obviously)?

championing this thread as any royal thread is useless in the knowledge that PK is missing.
Sorry Exiled, but you're beating a dead horse there.

I cannot argue against that, but at least I tried.

tbf it is a shit thread

Bit of a hijack about kids football

2 dads watching junior football.
“Which one is your lad?"
‘Why?"
“Wanted to tell him how rubbish he is"
“You can't say that he's only a kid, how would you like it if I said that to your lad?”
“You have done all game"
“Why who's your lad?
“The referee"
Think before you speak...

Back to the being annoyed

Amen to all you say brother.

I get these emails from parents...'why don't you pick our strongest possible team for every match', 'why do you use substitutes so regularly', 'why can't we train midweek rather than on a Saturday morning'. My default reply is becoming 'set up your own team and then you can run it exactly how you like, and enjoy all the admin that comes with it'

The odd thing is none of them have the balls to have sensible discussions with me face to face, as soon as the final whistle goes or training comes to an end they scuttle off to their cars.

People caught cheating in online games then complaining about how unfair it is that theyre threatened with a ban

Ordering online, then being sent goods where the boxes have obviously been opened before. And guess what! There are parts missing!This has happened twice in the last two weeks, the first time I rang the company to more or less force them to post the misssing bits. The second time I’ve had to haul the bulky item round to Sainsbury’s to send back via DPD service. (Purchaces have nothing to do with Sainsbury’s).

Hermes. Hapless parcel losers. Having suffered three 'lost in transit' or perhaps what normal people call theft situations I am mulling over just checking future parcels in the nearest bottomless pits of fire to save time.

The expression "you can't polish a turd" and any **** who follows it up with the obvious.

We all thought it, but only you said it. And now you're smirking looking side to side for the approval of your peers.

**** 2 (Giggling whilst he speaks):

"But you can roll it in glitter! Bwhahaha! Am i right...? Guys, Am i right...?"

Awkward silence.

****. Right. Off.

Never heard that response.

That doesn't annoy me, I can't wait to use it.

I need to engineer a conversation to the first part though, and that won't be easy in Chile. Unless I get a sleepy CT on his second pint of pale ale.

Me neither. Quite good, I feel inspired to use it.

Thanks OPer :)

Oddly it is far more accurate and reflective of 'delivery phase', in my experience.
I do agree with the general sentiment from the OP, that nothing is more gear-grinding than watching your buffoon colleague recognise then execute some hackneyed pyrrhic phrase seeking to get the last word so as to be lauded as the office's acerbic python.

Fanny deodorant ads.

Is the wrong response

The correct one being ‘well you can actually, but it will still be a turd. You idiot’

You buy a smart new dishwasher in gleaming white. You install it, remember to phone the number prominently displayed on a sticker on the front of the appliance to register for a guarantee. You ignore their advice to upgrade the warranty. You peel the sticker off. It leaves behind not only loads of cruddy glue but also the print from said sticker which seems to be completely indelible. Your lovely new appliance is no longer gleaming white. Grrr..

Use WD-40 to remove the glue.

Yeah or lighter fluid.

....because they’re keyboard warriors, especially after wine o’clock.

Imagine what it’s like for teachers. I can email my son’s teachers direct, but I understand that some schools now have a system that means you have to email via the office. This was to monitor and discourage the number of moaning, entitled emails sent to their teachers.

I think my parents spoke to my school less than once a term. Pretty much just Parents evenings. They’d never consider it even a possibility to have rung up and moaned about team selection, for example.

I do recommend you make your team selection policy clear when new parents join. My son was at a team for which the coach would pick anyone who turned up. Sounds nice and friendly doesn’t it, but it did *ee us off when boys would turn up for matches but not training. And we had younger siblings turn up and get some game time, because he wanted to encourage them.

As a result, we might have multiple players being rotated on and off, including great ones taking a turn as subs whilst weaker players let in goals.

In the end I did ask whether he could name just 13/14 per match, as our son would rather play most of each game. We were happy to rotate this so that occasionally he’d take a turn of not being selected. I knew other parents felt the same, but no one wanted to say it.

Use WD-40 for everything, except things that need gaffer taping.