People that work in offices and wear their ID necklace out of office and everywhere they go. Take it off you div. No one cares who you are and who you work for.

Same goes for people that wear festival bracelets until the day they die. Don't know whether I mentioned it before but they need a slap.

People that wish you "Happy Halloween" or similar shite.

People that want to be sponsored for a 'no alcohol' month or a sky dive can **** off as well.

Somebody already mentioned it but people who can't live in the moment and constantly take photos and videos of everything. It's great watching DVD and TV footage from 20 years ago from gigs where everybody is off their heads and enjoying themselves. Today, everybody has their phone in the air filming the whole show so they can post it to their knobhead friends on Facebook and tell them how 'sick' it was and they got 'proper mashed'. Absolute bullshit.

How quickly the velcro on my trainers becomes less sticky, meaning i have to stop several times readjust them when out.

Didn't fly with mine until she was 5 and past the screaming age. Why take little kids on planes just stay UK you twats!!

Could your
Carer not help? ;)

People who talk about how they hang out in Shoreditch or Dalston all the time, particularly those over 19 years of age.

There was one particular wanker like this on the apprentice who started describing it as 'edgy'. I had to switch off.

"can you move down the carriage"

usually shouted by a very posh middle aged woman, whilst people are already attempting to move down the carriage. These people see themselves as the train police and after they have made their loud request they look round as smugly as possibly like they are some bastion of righteousness who have managed to part the waves with their words.

People who talk as if everyone is listening

But who would sort their trainers?

Forget kids. Fat people on planes. Pay for two tickets or **** off. And why do i get overcharged for 1kg baggage when the **** next yo me is carrying 50kg in his gut scott free.

Reminds me of this letter of complaint sent

Dear Jetstar...
Do you like riddles? I do, that's why I'm starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What's fat as f***, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That's right, it's the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.
As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle.
As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn't a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.
Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No.
Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it's entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.
Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn't catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I'll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I've given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveash***).
After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how s*** they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to which Giggly responded, "hehehe, they're for crew only, hehehe". I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.
I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveas*** triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing,
I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both "crew only" rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she's flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.
Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn't that exactly the same as having someone who can't control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that's why I'm demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.
I'm also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I'm yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don't recover completely, I'll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.

To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: richwisken@hotmail.com, or tweet me at: @RichWisken

No regards,

Rich Wisken.

Haha. Nothing more satisfying then when the words "**** off" echo back.

People stalking about computer stuff, that I could never understand.

Bricks.

Shame if you tell them to do one, you're seen as the dickhead.

absolutely agree. My girl is 2 years old and we would never let this happen. Ignorant and uncaring, twat shit **** parents.

Government policy that allows homeless people to freeze on the streets, until they can't take it anymore.

Arseholes who abuse hospital staff. In the space of 10 minutes while visiting my dad in Mayday I heard one visitor call a doctor a **** and another who, after shouting at a nurse and saying she had no manners and no respect because she was on the phone then ran his arm along the desk sending phones and a pc monitor crashing to the floor.

I don't wish harm on anyone but should either of these ***** have the misfortune to develop a life threatening condition I sincerely hope they receive the treatment they deserve.

Scum.

No amount of perfect parenting will stop a kid screaming in pain if their ears are affected by cabin pressure changes.

A 20 cent lollipop sorts out their ears.

Remember when we used to be given boiled sweets at take off and landing? And peanuts the tight bastards. Now we get naff all.

This excuse works but most of these shitty little brats are at it long before take off.

Although people who bunch together at the front of the carriage/bus when there is plenty of room further down are also annoying. As are people who have to stand up on a train and make for the exit when it is several minutes away from the destination.