People who whistle in public

Yesterday, my manager.

Spending four hours painting the lounge/ dining room and being told she is not sure if she likes the colour. I should just repaint it all in red and blue stripes.

Motion sensor lights in toilets. I’m all for saving the planet but no sooner have I sat down for a number 2 in Tesco’s motion sensor toilets, the lights go out. And it’s not a dull glow for the exit sign but pitch black. What’s annoying was that I was in the middle of a motion so I believe these sensors are incorrectly labelled.

Fortunately, I was able to complete a line of ‘stand up if you love Palace’ and this, together with the BBS on my phone, brought enlightenment to me.

PM Dave.

Listening to people chat shit when picking the kids up from school.

People talk utter, utter shit, obnoxiously loud, as if we want hear about your ******* shit life.

*****.

Tour de France copycat wanker cyclists. They're out every year for a couple of weeks blocking the roads in their fecking spandex, then disappear for the next 11.5 months. *****.

#squadgoals

The other day I pulled up behind a car in which the driver was blocking the pump, sitting in the car while waiting for the passenger to do the shopping. I got as close as I could & managed to stretch the hose. Twat. Why would you do that?

Why would you not ask them to move?

Aggressively.

"Street food". Is this one of those emperors new clothes things or what.

- pick some crappy junk food like macaroni cheese or hot dogs
- add some fancy gourmet ingredients like truffle oil, slow roasted something, some sort of barbecued meat, exotically named vegetable garnish
- give your stand a stupid punny name like 'burger me sideways' or a twee cutesy name like 'the Jemima and BillyBob Happy burger company'

People will literally queue up to give you 8 quid for a tiny bowl regardless of what it tastes like.

Because I didn't have to.

Any kind of social media message which just say "and so it begins".

While I'm at it, people who pepper every sentence with "truth be told".

Sounds like a decent business model

I'd be careful about that.

When our local BP changed to include M&S, I moved from the pump to a parking spot within the garage forecourt to allow the person behind to use the pump whilst I did a quick shop.

When I reached the till a few minutes later, the staff were already making notes about my car, the time, the 'unpaid' petrol bill and were going to report me!

I pointed out the queues both outside and in the shop and explained that I'd moved to the side in a polite attempt not to hold up others. I also hadn't left the property but been in their shop the whole time.

The staff confirmed they didn't want drivers to do this.....so since then I haven't. I also kept hold of the till receipt for some time, half expecting I'd need to prove I had paid the petrol bill when plod knocked on my door!

I move off the pumps all the time and have never had anything except thank you said to me. Have you got a dodgy look about you?
:supergrin:

Banality of commentators. He asks about the strategy of a golfer on the first tee of The Open. 'Well, I liked to hit it down the fairway'. Who knew?

People who say "trust me" - you know they're lying to you while just trying to convince themselves they're angelic innocents.