Luis Suarez

I prefer that to posh people dropping aitches. Gaz Coombes on Saturday Kitchen this morning, for example.

I'm really starting to get annoyed by the woman next to me at work who insists - no doubt advice from some shitty lifestyle supplement - on drinking a litre and a half of spring water without a cup or other vessel to pour it into. You got the noise from the initial gripping action, the noise of the water being poured downward, the noise of the suction, the noise as air rushes in to fill the vacuum left by the displacement of liquid, the noise of the plastic bottle as it resumes its original shape, and then the thump of it as she replaces it onto the desk.

I know it's trivial, but it's starting to grate.

People who think the world wants to hear their conversation when they're on the train. Usually they are on the phone.

You probably need to make a game of it. Next time she goes for a pee, drop something inside the bottle. Then you can run a sweepstake on which swig she will notice it.

Washing up liquid?

Sunday Brunch or whatever the **** it's called on Channel 4. Interviewing a celebrity then asking them to cook a ******* risotto at 9:30 in the morning... I just don't understand the relevance. And why cooking? Why not have a chat with Judy Dench then ask her to help change a head gasket on a 1973 Ford Escort? Coming up, Seasick Steve plays live in the studio then tiles the bathroom.
Gets right on my tits.

Methanol?

'Ive heard from a reliable source.....'

Its not trivial. I once lived with a bitch who did just that but at 4am when she would wake up thirsty. Pour it in a glass or beaker and place by bedside you f*cking inconsiderate whore. Needless to say I never held back on farts whatsoever after this. And deliberately snored loudly.

The next time she does it pick up your keyboard and whack it right across the end of the bottle so it crumbles and bursts in her face. You would be laughing all the way to the dole office.

:D Matt Bellamy from Muse talks about his new album - then pairs up 15 different pairs of his family's socks

I would have gone with "In space no **** can hear you swear" .

That probably explains why I have no friends :D

Loud eaters
People who like to play 20 f*cking questions in the morning
Milwalls mascot
Roy hodgsons England team selection

Places that add a service charge automatically to a bill that the waiting staff and/or chefs see nothing of.

If it's a service charge it's for the actual people that provided the service not the people that own the place. Cheeky bastards.

Aren't they tips?

People who race you to the front of the queue in fast food restaurants, then stare up at the menu for 5 minutes because they don't know what they want

Surely that noise is the reason throats and sickles were made for each other?

Pointless games like today that you watch because there is no football on, and it's shit

Jake Bugg.

Boring England.

Women on Facebook who comment on pictures of other women with comments like, "You look Stunning", "You are so Beautiful", "Absolutely Gorgeous" etc, etc, ad nauseam...

In real life they are saying, "Bitch", "God she's ugly", "look at the surgery she's had" and "I wouldn't be seen dead in that outfit"...

Can you imagine men making these comments?